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A Grab Bag of Interview Advice

If you’re unemployed, odds are you’ve heard a lot of different interview tips from a variety of people. These people can range from real so-called ‘experts’ all the way down to your great-aunt Maggie. Regardless of the source, some of it may surprisingly be good advice. But with these tips coming in from so many sources, how do you whittle down the bad tips from the good ones? Well. . .honestly. . .YOU DON’T and YOU CAN’T. After all, you’re still looking for a job, right? So, obviously this is not a skill in your skill-set. But now isn’t the time to get all ‘after-school-special’ about it. Besides, I’m here to help! Just follow this simple thirteen step exercise and you’ll be able to tell the good advice from the bad, in no time flat. Continue reading

Prepare for a Field Hop

{ Dear Cookbook, I was the best in my field. I won countless awards and everyone knew my name. Now, suddenly I’m without a job and no one in my field is hiring. What should I do? Warmest Regards, Victor }

Victor, there has never been a better time to reinvent yourself. Historically speaking, great achievements have been born out of life’s struggles. If you have tried everything you can think of to get a job in your own field and still remain unemployed, a “field hop” may be necessary.

What is a “field hop” you ask? Well quite simply, it’s a change in your career. For example, let’s say you were a cattle prod manufacturer. But because of the bad economy, the manufacturing plant found itself in bankruptcy. You’ve tried to work for other cattle prod manufacturers, but no one is hiring. What do you do next? Well it’s time for a new career; how does a “rocket scientist” sound? This illustrious career could be yours, so get your resume out there.

You might be wondering how a cattle prod manufacturer could land a job as a rocket scientist? The truth is, it doesn’t matter what training or degree you actually have. What matters is what it says on your resume. Besides, isn’t that what a resume is for? If they wanted to know what you were really like, they’d skip all the niceties (resume, cover letter and references) and just call your old boss and coworkers directly. Then they’d know for sure what you are capable of, and what to expect out of you in the future. But as it turns out, most new employers aren’t that smart! So why not embellish your resume to reflect the job you want, instead of the one you’re qualified for? Besides, embellishing is only wrong if you caught. So, just don’t get caught and you’ll be in the clear!

When embellishing, it is important to look as credible as possible. This means you’ll have to do some research. Luckily, Google will do most of the work for you. All you need to do is type “rocket scientist” into the search box, then click enter. Now look through the results and find your career double. A career double is the person whose credentials you are going to borrow.

Quick note on choosing the right candidate: choose someone who is roughly the same age and gender as yourself. Nothing raises an interviewer’s red flag quicker than a man who attended an all girls school, or a youngster who attended an institution that closed before the fall of the Soviet Union. It’s also important to make sure that whomever you are using for inspiration, does not actually work at the company to which you are applying. In the past, this has led to a series of unhappy events, including but not limited to, severe legal and physical hassles.

After you’ve found the appropriate career double, follow their career path and then make it your own on paper. With their credentials, you’re sure to land a great new job!  Remember, once someone has hired you, you’re in! No matter how long you last at any one company, you now honestly OWN the title rocket scientist! And let’s face it, rocket scientist would look damn good on any resume.

Prepare For A Field Hop

Are you considering a field hop? Before you do, let’s take a gander at Jobless Johnny and Hireable Hank’s results:

Jobless Johnny thinks this is the best advice he’s been given so far. Finally, a job he can really get behind. He doesn’t know what a rocket scientist does, but he’s pretty sure it has to do with rockets and wonders if he’ll be able to fly one soon.

Hireable Hank would love to become a ‘rocket scientist’ but he knows better than to embellish on his resume. Especially, after all the hype a couple of months ago, when the CEO of Yahoo! was fired for lying about his education.

 

 

Three Ways to Eat for Free

{ Dear Cookbook, I just read your article about how important it is to eat before a job interview, and I totally agree. However, what do you do if you don’t have any food to eat? Hungry Helen }

Hungry Helen, I appreciate you taking the time to read my previous articles and for actually bringing up a valid point. So much so, that I’m not even going to mock you for your obviously fake name. Instead, I am going to jump right into answering your question.

Since we’ve already established how important it is to eat before a job interview, let’s talk about how you can make that happen. After all, you’re broke, right? And odds are you’ve finally crossed that line between unemployed and desperate? This means you are probably ready to start thinking outside of the box. Now before you freak out, I’m not going to tell you that dumpster diving is the ‘new’ McDonald’s, or give you a list of edible ‘plants’ in your neighborhood. I’m not a hippie and I don’t find either of those two options very palatable. Instead, I’m going suggest three different methods for getting fed before an interview, that will cost you absolutely nothing – not even your pride. Continue reading

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